Lately, everytime I open Youtube (usually after exhausting whatsapp and instagram, sorry Sundar but you ARE pichey*!)I get deluged by videos of Harry and Meghan Markle and strangely enough, Piers Morgan! I was guilty of seeing a couple, give or take 5, videos of H&M but I would have been happy to quit after that if my Youtube feeds hadn’t insisted that I “stick to something for once in this life!” …mom?
So I came, I saw and I conquered…I now know everything there is to know about the Royals- I know about Harry Pauper and his chambermaids secrets, Manipulative Meghan, Dirty Diana, Willy Wonky (and his chocolate aversion?), the Princess of “wails” Crybaby Kate, colder than ice Charles and of course his soulmate “Cruella” Parker Bowles who is apparently living up to her role as an evil stepmother! As a self respecting reality show watcher I had to cross the t’s and dot the i’s, so I topped my already vast knowledge of the Royals from YouTube University with a watchathon of “The Crown” and yawnathon of “Harry and Meghan”. So here I am, a Royal expert, complete with a stiff upper lip (and lower back), for no fault of mine!
While I must admit that I didn’t read His Royal Harry’s (HRH?) book, I wasn’t ‘spared’ by it either! It wasn’t because I am not a big reader (well that is only partially true), I was only being respectful of his wishes and trying to leave Harry and Meghan alone! Reading (the diary of a wimpy kid )Spare (which clearly didn’t spare us any details) would mean invading their privacy, something clearly so dear to him and his wife! I had personally witnessed them pleading on Oprah, Netflix, and several other media interviews, beseeching anyone who had a screen (6.8 billion at last count) to leave them ALONE! And yet the very same media turned out to be ungrateful, uncaring and ironically unsparing!! Just like his own not racist but unconsciously biased (for the last 400 years but who's counting?) family, who he had tried talking to several times over private TV interviews, only to be beaten up to a royal pulp and served up in a dog bowl by none other than his own Willy (and I am not talking about his royal todger here!).
As for his poor little rich(er) wife- Meghan, if Piers Morgan, his broken friendship with Ms. Markle notwithstanding, is to be believed, is busy trying to usurp Camilla off her throne as the Queen (of evil?)! Wait, is she still a Markle? Turns out Prince Harry is Henry Charles Albert David… that is four first names, not even one of which is Harry, and no last name!! Now if that isn’t a red flag! One could argue that it was not very clever of Ms. Markle to “not Google Harry” before going on a date with him, but it turns out all’s well! aicH turned out to be a true blue Royal after all (although unlike the fairy tales he apparently turned into a frog after the kiss), Ms. Marvel sorry Markle may not have got a surname but “settled” for a Royal title instead, Harry’s todger is now thawed (which is more than one can say about his brother Willy) and Meghan “Haz” it all!!
Right? Right… Just after they get the 130M$ from Netflix and Spotify ….and the Royals forgive them… and the media stops talking about them (unless they like what they are saying ie) …and after they’re invited to the coronation… and asked to work for the commonwealth …and they publish 3 more "tell all" memoirs …..and a children's book... and have their lemon and elderflower cake ....and eat it too….
This reminds me of an old nursery Rhyme which went something like…
Hey diddle diddle
The Prince and his Meghan,
The Prince went bonkers and cried,
The press all laughed
To see such fun
And Meg ran away with the spoon!
*pichey in Hindi means left behind
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